MY baby girl is coming

so, here I am, 26 weeks prior to my baby girl making her appearance into the world. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I don't even know where to start but let's see what comes out on this paper.

I have had this blog for a little while now. I stopped writing after moving to California. I don't really know where the stoppage came from but I just know that I've missed it terribly. As soon as I find out my wife was preggo, I changed the title of my blog. I will try to get as much writing out and give reflection of fatherhood experienced from a first time dad.

Right now, it seems our little baby is trying to kick her way out of the stomach instead of waiting patiently for the full term. A few weeks ago, my wife was cuddled up next to me. I felt the baby kick through her stomach and karate drop kick me in the back. All I could do was think of how this little girl is already acting up. It was cute but it was also scary as hell.

As I tend to write more, I really want to make sure I keep this journal going for my baby girl could see what's going on. We are keeping a had copy but I also want to keep this one going. As I want to be 100% honest and genuine, I also don't want to give the wrong impression. It seems that fatherhood has tempered me somewhat. My thoughts are filtered as well as my language and I don't have a problem with that.

As I want to do a good job, I don't want to start off wrong at the jump. Granted, language alone is going to be a challenge but I now I could convey a thought without profanity.

It has been an interesting ride so far. Now, I fear things I never would have thought of. I fear my baby girl will feel judged and looked down upon if she isn't what society says she is supposed to be. I have read articles about little girls dieting by age 10, wanting boob jobs by age 17, getting plastic surgery procedures by the handful before they are 21.

I grew up in an environment that wasn't necessarily healthy but none of us really cared what anyone said about us. I never cared if any of the girls thought I was cute, handsome, hot, or hunky. Honestly, we were just too busy trying to survive. Living on the west coast, there are too many people who are completely infatuated with looks. I've heard people describe others like "Oh, such and such is a nice guy, he's such a hunk". So, if he wasn't a hunk, he wouldn't be a nice guy? Judgements are passed like a wet rag and it's sad these days. How can I teach my little baby girl that she has to be a strong intelligent young woman before anything else. Granted, she won't be eating oreo cookies into the night because I have to teach her everything I didn't learn about healthy eating.

I am in that long hard process of trying to de-program myself from passing judgement. I grew up without an appeal towards robust women. Even until this day, I see a woman who is overweight and I have a reaction that is not positive. I am not proud of it but I acknowledge that I had had this burned into my brain. I am currently in the process of repair and I know it will take time.

So, here I am. I will be a first time father at the age of 41. When my baby girl is 20, I will be 61 years old. Yes, I am going back into the gym because I need to be in shape and alive.

I leave with this thought. I would want the world to look at my baby girl and talk about books, favorite toys, favorite time of day. I would prefer this instead of the default "you look so cute, so beautiful, so pretty". This way, when those empty and sad compliments stop coming, my baby girl will know that life is more then her looks.

Fish Vargas